Mrs. Big Fat
by StrungOutWagon
Summary: The Gryffindors have a very nasty substitute teacher for potions, this is how it turns out...r/r i suck at summaries so...uh just read the story!


Mrs. BigFat  
A/N Haha a new story!, I promise it will be funny! By the way this takes place in Harry and the gangs 5th year.  
  
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Narator- One sunny day at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry, All the Little Gryffindor 5th years made there way to potions.  
  
Harry- Oh god yet another hour of torture with Snape!  
  
Ron-Oh, well somewhere in my dreams I see Snape getting violently eaten by a mutated man eating shark...oh what a dream that was!  
  
Harry- That must have been wonderful!  
  
Hermione- Hey! look at the Notice on the Door!  
  
*******Notice*******  
  
Students, we are sad to inform that Professor S. Snape has been  
Violently Killed by a mutated man eating shark, and so you will have a substitute, I know how sad you must be, but dats how screwy life is, enjoy your day at class  
  
  
Professor M. McGonnagal  
  
  
Narator- So you think the Gryffindors were sad? No way! they were all jumping for joy  
  
Neville- There is a god!  
  
Hermione- Well lets hurry up or we'll be late!  
  
Narator- And so they all rushed into class and took their seats, but strangly enough the sub was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Seamus- Hey! where in the name of Mickey Mouse is da fricken sub!  
  
Dean- No idea  
  
Hermione- Shut up everyone I think I hear her coming  
  
Narator- Just then a hugely fat woman (about 12 times wider, not taller than Hagrid) walked into the room  
  
Harry- Oh my god, she's as big as a-  
  
Narator- But before Harry could finish, the large and fat teacher, whipped out  
her wand and casted a spell that looked very painful for Harry.  
  
Harry- Ouchies....  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Watch yo mouth, Okay kids my name is Mrs. Big fat ugly lame excuse for a human being, but you may call be Mrs. Big fat  
  
Ron- Your actually married? a big tub of lard like you  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- No, but I like to pretend I am, now for today, we are doing a project, its a very grueling and painful project and could be the death of you?  
  
Narator- As always Hermione raised her hand  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- What do you want? very stupid girl who has raised her stinky hand in my face  
  
Hermione- Um Mrs. Big fat? this is a school for wizards not muggles, we don't do projects-  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up, I don't care what you say about Yuggles-  
  
Hermione- Muggles  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Whatever, well we are doing a project whether you like it or not, and if you say one more thing about it I will take off my belt that is over 5 kilometers long and beat you with it.  
  
Hermione-Fine ::puts hand down::  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- okay now that we-  
  
Narator- But strangly Hermione raised her hand again.  
  
Mrs. Big fat- What now?  
  
Hermione-Um Mrs. Big Fat? what will the project be about?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- I don't care, but I better like it  
  
Hermione- But-  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up  
  
Hermione- Gotcha......  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Okay, now nefore I was so rudely interupted, twice , I will announce the partners. Ron will work with Neville, Lavender will work with Seamus, And Dean,Hermione, Harry and Pervati will be in a group of four.  
  
Lavender- How is it that you know all of our names?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- I dunno, I'm a psycic, now shut up and get to work.  
  
Lavender- Um Mrs. Big Fat?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- What do you wanet very stupid inbred child creature?  
  
Lavender- Can I use the bathroom?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Sure  
  
Lavender- Thank you-  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- But maybe I should mention that I have wired all the doors so that anyone  
who tries to open it will be expoldified  
  
Lavender- What?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Didn't you hear what I said or are you deph, so unless you want to be blown to smithereans I suggest  
you sit down  
  
Lavender- But i have to go to the bathroom  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- big whoop, you can pee in your pants for all I care  
  
Lavender- Damn you fat ugly piece of-  
  
Mrs. Big fat- Scuse me?  
  
Lavender- nothing  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Good, now unless you want me to beat your head in i suggest you sit down, NOW!  
  
Lavender- Fine ::sits down::  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Stupid stupid kids! your parents shoudl have fed you to the wolves already!  
  
Ron- Oh they've tried that  
  
Harry- My parents are dead!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Well that sucks for you, now get back to work, in the meantime I will talk uslessly on the phone  
:: on phone:: Hello? blah blah blah, blah blah?, blah blah blah  
  
Dean- Listen you guys we gotta get rid of the hippo- I mean teacher  
  
Hermione- I got a plan ::tells plan::  
  
Lavender- Thats a good idea  
  
Ron- I don't like it  
  
Lavender- Do it or sufer!  
  
Ron- Fine ::goes up to Mrs. Big fats desk:: Yo Mrs. Big fat, how are you doing?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Get to the point, stinky thing!  
  
Ron- um, OH look a big blubbery woman, equal in circumference to you!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Where! ::tunrs around::  
  
Ron- ::pulls out wand:: die!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Oh look, a quarter!  
  
Ron- Oh no my spell missed ::runs back to seat::  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- :: looks back up:: Where did the guy go? oh well  
  
Lavender- Okay guys that didn't go so well?  
  
Harry- Okay I got a plan, anyone got a muggle telephone?  
  
Hermione- I do ::hands phone to Harry::  
  
Harry- ::on phone:: Hello? we gotta job for you ::tells mysterious person what to do:: Thanks bye  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- ::still on phone:: Blah blah bye ::off phone:: Alright kiddies, now in the groups I assigned you  
prent you present your presentations. Okay Dean and Ron are up.  
  
Ron- HEY! those aren't the groups you assigned earlier!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Tough crap Kiddies! now start presentin or else!  
  
Ron- Um  
  
Dean- Uh...  
  
Ron-Um..  
  
Dean- Uh...The rare african hippe is most commonly found in africa!  
  
Ron- and then Jack and Jill filed a law suit against Osama Bin Laden  
For bombing fairy tale land, the end  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- What the hell was that? F! F! F! sit down!  
  
Ron- Damn  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Scuse me?  
  
Ron- I mean YAY!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Thats better  
  
Hermione- uh Mrs. Big Fat?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- What now, inferior child creature?  
  
Hermione-Here at Hogwarts we don't have muggle grades, we have O.W.Ls  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- I don't care what kind of frickin grades you have at Slobwarts!  
  
Hermione- Thats Hogwarts  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Whatever,now fine if you wanna play dat way then I give you a F.O.W.L  
  
Hermione- a what?  
  
Mrs. Big fat- A F.O.W.L get it? beacuse you are fowl ahr har har  
  
Hermione- uh yeah hah  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up, now before I was rudely interupted for the third time lets keep on going with the presentations, Harry and Seamus are up  
  
Harry- Uh, do you know what my favorite thing abouts bunnies is? it is that they are fuzzy and squeezible!  
  
Seamus- Uh Harry...  
  
Harry- And since the first King of Egypt was a bunny...  
  
Seamus- HARRY! Bad Idea!  
  
Harry- And Bunnies loved eating people in Time Square, because they knew that Bananas were coming  
  
Seamus- STOP! your gonna blow it for us!  
  
Harry- But that didn't stop Freddy, he knew that if he flew his Kite high enough, he could meet Albert Einstein, The end  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- OH......MY.....GOD! Sit down you morons e-...DEAR GOD!  
  
Harry- oh poo  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Dats right ::door opens:: Who the hell?  
  
Small Imp Assassin- Ha ha ha, prepare to die fatty ::grbas Mrs. Bigs Fats neck::  
Volkan neck pinch!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- that tickles  
  
Small Imp Assassin- Oh God, she's all fat and no bones! Gotta split:: runs away::  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Not so fast, Small Assassin Imp ::pulls out wand:: ARF ARF A RUMP PA PA!  
  
Small Imp Assassin- Oh god, I'm melting  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- ha ::too kids:: Kids I have a feeling you are planning something, and I don't like it!  
  
Lavender- No, we have been buisy working, if you had been paying attention  
  
Mrs. Big Fat-Oh yeah, then why are you smart asses just sitting there with blank pieces of paper in front  
of you?  
  
Lavender- Uh...  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Thats what I thought ::laughs:: anyway, the last group which is, Neville, Hermione, Lavender and Pervati, okay start presentin kiddies  
  
Neville- Um, one day I went to the park and ate some bark  
  
Hermione- blah blah blah yada yada something a really smart person would say  
  
Pervati- One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class....  
  
Lavender- There once was a man from Nantucket...  
  
Pervati- and then my momma told me "I told you to never trust a monkey!"  
  
Neville- Cows have lungs  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Dear god, you kids are the biggest group of Morons ever, I'm not even going to bother saying your grade, sit down!  
  
Lavender- you fat hunk of chub!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Thank you  
  
Lavender- right...  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- since you all got failing grades, I am going to beat you all  
continueously  
  
Harry- Oh the heel with it, I've had enough ::takes out wand:: STUPIFY!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Ouch  
  
Ron-eat metal bitch! ::throws chair at Mrs. Big Fat::  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Hey! that hurt!  
  
Hermione- I hate you, fatty!  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- hey don't call me that!  
  
Lavender- Fatty  
  
Neville- Fatty  
  
Ron- Fatty!  
  
:: Professor McGonnagal enters room::  
  
Prof.- Hello Mrs. Big Fat, How is this class behaving with our Severus?  
  
Mrs. Big Fat- Screw this class! ::jumps out window::  
  
Prof-Huh? well her colesterol level must have beena bit high, well class I would like you to meet you NEW potions teacher  
Mr. Small Imp Assassin  
  
Small Imp assassin- Boy kids are we gonna have some fun. BWAHAHAH!  
  
Everybody-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
a/n hope you liked it =) 


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